Everything is About You

While I muse over the day
It's unsettling, unfair
That you matter more than you should
I would if I could
Ignore you straight away

There were things I laughed about
Worked, ate, chattered, hung out
It all drifts away when I reach home
Now as I sit alone
All I remember is when you were too loud

Why you talk to me like that?
And be so nice to everybody else
If only you knew how it hurts
If you knew how it haunts
You would have shown some concern at least

At the end of the day I cry
Feeling helpless, useless, thinking why?
That one grimace you made
That one smile you did not reflect
And reasoning with your every rude reply

Your words are swords
Are heavy big rocks
Cause they tear away my smile
Crush my heart, are immobile
Swirl in my mind, building up cyclones

You tick-tock in my mind
A building up clangour with time
Your memories stubborn
Unavoidable trouble
Still you are first, foremost, important, prime.

Mother

I am angry with you Mother

For letting me trouble you

all these years

since my birth and even before

Why would you stand at the door

waiting for me to come home?

Every minute's delay weighing heavy on your heart.

That, when I have a jolly good time

laughing with a friend

or listening melodies while I travel.

It makes me guilty later,

and angry.

You laugh it off

when I complain.

I am surprised at you Mother

How you hold for everyone

concern and more concern?

From where did you learn

to love your children with such magnitude?

What is it that makes this bond heavenly?

And at the same time

keeps you on your guard and restless always?

How?

How can all this come naturally to you?

What is it that I don't understand

and you cannot explain?

You are a mystery Mother

how grave, you don't even know.

You don't care to know

like I do, in vain.

I scold you Mother

When I work all night

on some college project

and you keep coming in my room

inventing petty excuses

and timidly ask me

"How much more work is left?"

Let me deal with at least something

all on my own Mother.

Why would you not sleep

just because I have not?

Still you wake up the earliest

to make breakfast for your girl.

Why so selfless?

You make me afraid Mother

When I will go away,

soon enough,

I would not know how to live

without you.

Still you will make me

angry, surprised and scold you

for worrying over me more than myself.

If being a mother is to be like you,

I am scared of the future.

You have set standards too high,

unreachable, impossible.

I have no clue

how to love like you love

how to care like you care.

I am disillusioned Mother.

The mystery you hold in your soul,

the unpronounceable answers

you will take away with you

one day.

Solitude will be mine.

I am afraid to admit

I do think about and dread the life after.

Your Home

In one covert corner of my heart,

my friend, your memories breathe faintly.

I have handpicked your simplest gestures

and locked thousands of intangible souvenirs

in one precious, inaccessible box.

Since we have parted ways,

acquiescing in unfamiliar confusions,

that corner in my heart pains

most of the time.

And when it doesn't,

I open the box.

And little by little, live with you,

smile with you until truth stands bare before me.

When reality strikes hard,

it tears my happiness into shreds.

But I do not complain

because, you know,

for some reason, when it hurts the worst

I secretly find solace.

It soothes that place in my heart, your home.

For some reason, I adamantly keep thinking about you,

touching and pressing my wounds on purpose,

conceding myself to sorrow.

For some reason, I want my eyes to keep pouring

in your remembrance.

For some reason, I know,

somewhere you feel the same

you do the same.

P.S- My sister sketched the above picture for me. :)

..then I'll be yours

If I hurt, if your love I resist

If I shout and be shrill

Later you'll find me treading the paths

Dark, lonely, under the stars

If you come, join and look me in the eye

And quietly forgive me for that time

...I'll be yours

Through words, in sweet voices

I may confess love and express choices

Talk through hours

Fight through wars

But the day you are okay with

my stillness and to silence we bequeath

...I'll be yours

We may travel the world in zest

We may laugh until out of breath

My devotion will still be hesitant

If you writhe under moments of silence

When only the time arrives

we won't need to talk, even through our eyes

...I'll be yours

'coz It's 14th Feb!

Grinning like clowns

Hurried steps

Got prepped up

'Coz its 14th Feb

Practising my reaction

When he would propose

Should faint in his arms

I suppose

New dress new shoes

New haircut

He has to go down on knees

No if no but

Wind played havoc

On the way to college

Messed up hair

Irrevocable damage

Detangling the nest

I entered the college gate

Why only he had to see

The entry I made?!

Ran into the class

Missed the entrance

Headlight on forehead

Some blacked out seconds

Running in maize fields

Holding hands with him

During the class lecture

Was caught hallucinating

Was asked some questions

Answers unknown

Holding ears was my verdict

Saw him enjoying

Impatient recess

Just when he turned around

I took a cat walk step

Fell on the ground

Then I knew

I was useless

Hopes shattered

With a drumbeat playback

Everyone around

Was doubling up

But he came

And picked me up

"I am a stupid moron"

Said teary-eyed

"Well, that is what

The most I like"

With a red rose

He confessed his love

I glowed up

Like an electric bulb

Broke into Happy Dance

He did propose

An accidental punch

Fell on his nose!

image taken from here

I Love My Country?

A land where religions unite

Farms ploughed with compassion and might

In hearts goodwill and love reside

Soldiers put up the bravest fight

Monuments wither yet more they shine

Buried heroes are in hearts alive

History speaks of passion sublime

Souls have utmost faith in the divine

In mortal form Gods arise,

whenever grows evil and crime

Progressing, though taking its time

To be a part of this soil is our pride

Women abused burnt raped

Infants abandoned in slouching shades

Poverty lying in every space

Hunger compels to beg and slay

Children work in hazardous place

Floods and droughts compete and play

Inhuman stories to listen everyday

Rapists worshiped, blindly prayed

Illegal fortunes revealed in raids

For a seat false promises made

Rights demanded duties fade

Flickering pride blown out by shame

Neither Love Nor Hate

My heartless soul, staring your tears

Washing away hopes, strengthening your fears

If it's comfort you want, don't look at me with pleas

I can pretend so well, that I can't hear

and I am yet to decide to be

....Calm or Fierce....

Don't look at me with those expecting eyes

In between still lies a thousand denies

Later blame me and regret, if you hear my reply

Spare my honesty and better keep quite

am yet to decide, to

....Laugh or Cry....

Slap me and go away

For a change don't beg today

Its too late, you don't have a say

For once and for all, every night and every day

The change in me is imprinted, with it I

....Flourish and Decay....

I have already 'listened' and 'seen'

All your apt reasons and desperate means

Its time you listen and see

It's not working as I am no more ME

My soul is wrecked

....neither Trapped nor Free....

Heart beats out of duty

Desires and feelings are scanty

However hard you may try to hit me

I am a stone carved out empty

Your tears mean nothing, be it

....One or Many....

None is your mistake as none was mine

I have suffered so now its your time

I know it's not fair, but its alright

'I don't care' is

....neither the Truth nor Lie....

I could have cared for you, saved you, kept you all mine

In my arms could have wrapped you, made you feel divine

But I will do none, to not let you know, I

....neither Live nor Die....

.....................................

Watching you go away, if never better late

 As I did my best to irritate and frustrate

....my Plan your Fate....

Already feeling alone, you're just a few steps away

Sorrow seeping in slowly, still loud I say

....my Pleasure your Pain....

I Remember You Little

Image Courtesy: Google

As far as I remember, you were innocent

I told you, no?

Many times I guess

Until I said you only used to be so

As far as I remember, you were childish

Stubborn and demanding things such

I surrendered to forced compromises

Until I said this is too much

As far as I remember, you were honest

Confessed to not repeat at any stake

I believed because you kept promises

Until you committed another mistake

As far as I remember, you were caring

My shade my support

And when I was in trouble

You shouted, scolded and left me alone

As far as I remember, you were strong

So I depended like bleak

Did what you decided

Until I took a stand that made you weak

As far as I remember, you were good

You were not wrong, 'we' were

Its hard to recollect 'why?'

So I think not much of you I remember.

This Diwali

This Diwali

I will smile at my Rangoli

every time we meet

Will mean it from the heart

when anyone I greet

This Diwali

I will put logic to rest

and keep the doors ajar

Wait for the arrival of Goddess

Revive Diyas every hour

This Diwali

when the calm will be disturbed

and air will suffocate

One place I keep serene

and call Nature at my place

This Diwali

when everyone will sleep

I will trace the patterns of lights

Standing in my yard, still clean

feel proud that I was wise.......

......this Diwali.......

Alone There

Where clocks keep ticking

but time refuses to move on

Where unbreakable silence dominates

and kills voices brutally

Where air freezes still

heavy upon the lungs

I live there

Where life is buried

Where vision is blurring fast

erasing reasons for something I no more remember

Where movement is condemned

statues are ordered to smile

Where feelings sink in the swamp

struggling till the end

I wait there

Where hope is forbidden

Where tears are burned alive

and spreads a drought within

Where directions are mirage

disappear before being seen

Where pity is insatiable

and wrecks everything to quench its thirst

I am injured there

Where cuts deepen as they heal

(turns out to be quite negative...but reached the last line within less than 5 minutes, before I could realize what I was writing. So in a way the poem wrote itself :P...i am innocent :D. Sharing anyway!)

Strength It Took To Wait

The time has come

The time for judgement

She has been waiting for so long

now it comes to an end

The war is done away with

its all the over the news

Country is rejoicing

forgetting sanguinary truths

But her heart knows no joy

Coz in war she might have lost

the owner of her soul

Her husband she loves the most

Since months the only contact

she has with him

is in lone hours of night

they meet in her dreams

She gazes how he fights

shouts with all might

Her heart beats heavily

a bullet may hit him anytime

It can snatch away her world

in matter of a moment

All the reasons for her to live

in a moment it can omit

She struggles to breathe

Sleep breaks fear lingers

Spends the night sitting intact

fidgeting with her fingers

In TV they announce name of martyrs

The heroes of the act

She switches it off

afraid that his name could be next

Rather chooses to wait

Cooks his favorite dish

Sings a happy song

'yes, he will arrive in all bliss'

Fear & hope & dread & belief

her thoughts so conflicting

play without mercy

she is tired of predicting

A thunder blasts in her heart

The doorbell has wrung

Stupefied, unmoved, undecided

Towards or away she should run?

Is it her man her life

who stands beyond the door?

Or is it the story of his bravery to be narrated

by heads without caps and bowed?

Gathers herself to open her fate

One last time prays to God

'Whatever awaits,

make me stand strong.'

One moment of her hand

and the two sides are face to face

She gasps out in a whisper

and her strength gives away

Her eyes meet his

She feels earth spin

Lets loose her tears

which for long she was fighting

Her legs now could not hold her

they did not even need to

Now he will be her strength

Whom she can fall into

Tears part from her eyes

His bag slips from his shoulder

He moves towards her goddess

longing arms stretched for her

He hugs her so tight

as tight as he can

She hugs him tighter

he feels her hitching against his chest

And the moment made up

for the friends he has lost

for the hours he couldn't sleep

for the scourge of the war

At last he understands

that her love was his shield

when he fought alive

in the battlefield.

Come, Lets Live

Come, Lets Go

where waters ripple quietly

drown our anxiety

The moments of silence

stretch as our eyes meet

holding seconds in a trance

drop our gaze lightly

Come, Lets See

the stand-still horizon

and sun there sojourn

A hand holds another

as it touches the earth

Acceptance scatters in souls together

Coloring sky leaves nothing forlorn

Come, Lets Hear

winds sweeping the clouds

over the auburn background

A thunder precedes

drops rushing down

Planting laughter on lips

Spreading freedom all around

Come, Lets walk

Let the shower be our shelter

Your face utmost splendor

You glow I astound

I love you, I falter

Hues deepen around

You love me, you answer

Just A Few Wishes

One big bro..who fights like pro..

One big cake..to eat without break..

One small puppy..will make me happy..

One small magic wand..bring them on..

Two sharp teeth..and vampire I would be..

Two sharp horns..can be my crowns..

Two soft wings..in air I will swing..

Two soft parts..angel and devil hearts..

Three great wins..hatrick of dreams..

Three great throwns..the center one I own..

Three little chipmunks..who dance sing and hum..

Three little claps..my motivation saps..

Four different directions..all leading to heavens..

Four different seasons..snowfall without reasons..

Four small piggy banks..for future fun family and friends..

Four small frame corners..showing me in different honors..

Five grand air command..i will be their part..

Five grand star rating..for my own animation making..

Five best friends..never to have a husband..

Five coloured rings..my Olympic wins..

Fantasy stream..of countless dreams..

With all of these..my eyes gleam..

Crazy and freak..it may all seem..

Adding one last..to be a good human being..!