I DON'T Want To Be A Child Again(Continued)

....in continuation to this post.

When I got hold of Mummy's silver anklet pair, I had to try it of course. It was way too big for my ankles and slipped out again and again. So I pulled them up on my legs until they fitted on my thighs. One of those anklets suddenly came into two halves while I was adjusting it. My heart thudded in terror as I knew I would be scolded. So I did something really great! I hid the good, unbroken piece into almirah and threw the other one into the dug-up earth near my hose for laying an underground cable. For months and months Mummy kept searching it and asking everyone. And I was living in a mixture of guilt and fear. The best part is, I was 10-11 years old at that time. Old enough to understand that it was not the piece of jewelry that Mummy wanted back, but the silver that went into making it.
I definitely don't want to live back a time when I was literally brainless.

There was social studies class test the next day. I was in 2nd standard. I forgot the test as easily as I used to forget every class-test, everyday homework, my water bottles in playground, tiffin in school, sweater in school bus and every possible thing at every possible place. In class when everybody was writing answers to questions, I was shaking in fear of scoring a zero in the exam. I happened to not submit my notebook to the teacher like it would have solved the problem forever.
This happened many times day after day and my notebook ended up in a collection of pages with only questions and empty spaces for answers. With nothing I can compare the building stress as more such pages added into the notebook every other day.
One day Didi(elder sister) saw my notebook and demanded explanation for those empty spaces and I said it was my incomplete homework. Yes, I used to be a liar. I pleaded her to do my homework and she did. The ordeal was still not over. I stood in line to get my notebook checked by the teacher, silently but furiously praying that she must not turn the pages of the notebook and see my unchecked class tests.
Was that easy for a six year old girl? I wonder if I was feeling blessed at that time!

My parents used to send me to tuition against all my struggles. I showed my tuition teacher the date sheet for 2nd standard's annual exams which I had noted down in my school diary. She saw it and was confused for some reason. Then she asked me to go to Anuj's, my classmate's house and cross check the date sheet with his. I told her many times that I had written everything as-it-is from the blackboard but she just won't trust me. I was sent out to go to Anuj's house. I don't remember if I used to hate Anuj or had a crush on him, because I was too shy to go to his house. I wandered on the roads and in gardens and after some time came back and told the teacher that he had also written the same date sheet. The teacher was still confused but gave up and did not send me anywhere else.
During exams, one day when I reached school, my classmates came running on watching me and asked, "Why did you not come yesterday?". I said, "because yesterday was no exam and so it was holiday". "No, it was Hindi's exam. Ma'am was asking about you." I gulped. I had missed an exam and it was a big big deal at that time. That was why I was asked to check my date sheet as one subject was missing from it. Only I know how I passed that day and the subsequent days, and with what dread I waited for Papa to return home with my report card declaring me 'failed' on the results day.
He came home. A thousand questions were asked. Some I replied, some I dodged away with blink of eyes. Finally he told that the teacher gave me marks for Hindi according to my half-yearly exam performance.
Do I call it the golden period of my life? In 2nd class I did not know that if I have 5 subjects, I need to give an exam of all of them!

I had been a big time Dumbo and I still am. Some characteristics stick with you for lifetime, I guess. There are too many, more than too many experiences which I can keep on writing. Earlier I used to hide my mistakes, now I resort to mocking myself. My childhood was enough once. So were my teenage years and so is my present life. At any point of time I want to live only one time of my life, that is yet to come. In hopes that one day I will finally grow up, mentally, and be less embarrassed and stupid in future.

Some photographs of a KG kid's notebook.

An explanation of the Theory of Evolution. How L changes into S and S into 3.

This one is so neat. Because the kid had to draw only joining lines.

Kid's school's Drawing. Above: by teacher. Below: by student.

Explanation: These are drawings of 'A for Apple' 'B for Ball' 'C for Cat' 'D for Duck' The kid ate up E. 'F for Fish'. Kid was still hungry. 'I for Ice-cream'

I DON'T Want To Be A Child Again

This dinosaur has no relevance to the post. But it will eat people who will not read ahead and comment.

To those who say "childhood is the best part of life", or "I wish I were a kid again", or "There was no tension then and life was good", I do not relate at all. Life, at any time, is equally trying and fun. The only difference is, when we grow up we know how to put the blame somewhere else for all our problems. We have this tendency to prove the present time as the most difficult and project ourselves as a victim of circumstances. So we sum up things thinking that growing up was a cursed thing to have happened.

Now think of it; a child is a child after all. We cannot expect him/her to be stressful about submitting a report before a dangerously close deadline or to go through the pain of break up or divorce. However they have their own problems suiting their age, like a broken favorite toy or an accidentally broken Mummy's favorite vase. Five year olds face problems according to their capacity and twenty-five year olds according to their. But we seem to forget issues which we find petty now. Although they were not then.

When the whole world is writing about the awesomeness of childhood, I am called spoilsport. Though I am no different when it comes to going weak in knees watching super cuteness of kids, but I am pretty sure I don't want to step in their shoes. I have had enough of my own time playing in mud and rain. Because giving it a practical thought, a child is not enjoying his/her childhood in a way we perceive. The one who is enjoying is a person watching them, who is probably dealing with a huge debt or something like that. So even if a Jinn realized our dream to be a kid again, we would find our so called petty issues graver than our father having lost his laptop.

By now I know I always end up writing about myself sooner or later. So I am not sparing this chance either. Every theory needs to be backed by examples. So I present my childhood at service. Just a small warning before you proceed to read further. If you become uneasy or furious reading extreme level of stupidity, utter ignorance on someone's part or infinite degree of dumbness, quietly sneak away and save the peace of your mind.

Have you gone?

Okay, I give you an another chance. This post has already become quite lengthy. So I break it here and if you want to read further, click here.

'coz It's 14th Feb!

Grinning like clowns

Hurried steps

Got prepped up

'Coz its 14th Feb

Practising my reaction

When he would propose

Should faint in his arms

I suppose

New dress new shoes

New haircut

He has to go down on knees

No if no but

Wind played havoc

On the way to college

Messed up hair

Irrevocable damage

Detangling the nest

I entered the college gate

Why only he had to see

The entry I made?!

Ran into the class

Missed the entrance

Headlight on forehead

Some blacked out seconds

Running in maize fields

Holding hands with him

During the class lecture

Was caught hallucinating

Was asked some questions

Answers unknown

Holding ears was my verdict

Saw him enjoying

Impatient recess

Just when he turned around

I took a cat walk step

Fell on the ground

Then I knew

I was useless

Hopes shattered

With a drumbeat playback

Everyone around

Was doubling up

But he came

And picked me up

"I am a stupid moron"

Said teary-eyed

"Well, that is what

The most I like"

With a red rose

He confessed his love

I glowed up

Like an electric bulb

Broke into Happy Dance

He did propose

An accidental punch

Fell on his nose!

image taken from here

How To Calm Down When You Are Angry....

.....without harming anyone but yourself

1. Bite your pillow. Break your teeth. Scream into it. Let the monster whale inside you be set free.

2. Glare at random people. Try your best to scare the hell out of them.

3. Punch the walls. Break those knuckles. Soon your anger will be overcome by pain.

4. Play dead!

5. Try attempting a headstand or a cartwheel irrespective of the place you are at- in your office, in a conference, in a lift or in a local train.

6. Sing at the top of your lungs- "AuNty POLice buLa LeGi! AunTY poLIce Bula leGI! AUnty pOliCE BuLa LEgi! fir bhi PARTY YUHI CHAALEGI!!"

Wait! I think that may hurt others.

7. Spray that pepper spray into your own eyes. Don't have one? Beg. Borrow. Steal.

8. Order your Pokemon characters to attack on people around you.

9. My personal favorite- Dance like you have lost it. C'mon let's break the earth into pieces!

10. In case you are enraged beyond limits, shoot an "AVADA KEDAVRA" on the culprit and be done with him/her forever!

Forgetting Birthdays

Image source: google

Forgetting birthdays can be an interesting adventure. More interesting when it's an important person whose birthday slipped your mind, like your very own personal sister. And most interesting when it's the birthday of one and only you yourself. Yes, I have been through that historic day years ago.

If you forget to wish me, I may pretend to be sad because such is the ritual, but personally I will appreciate you for the initiative on your part. I am more than ready to return the favour to anyone, effortlessly. Sadly enough, the general tendency is entirely opposite to this. Waiting till midnight to wish your friends is now an unquestionable trend. Not that I am against it. I myself do it whenever I luckily remember the important dates. Neither I have anything against those selfless people who take the pains to remember things for someone else's happiness. Kudos to them!
But somewhere in the chaos are some underdeveloped brains with the smallest memory, who don't understand and feel lost all the time. The concept of midnight wishes seems to be a dreaded nightmare to them unless they are at the receiving end of wishes. The constant fear of having missed wishing someone haunts them. Okay, I went too far with that.

Coming to the point, my sister is a gift of God. My sister is the best person in the world. My sister is most beautiful. My sister was born on the most important day, fabulous month, amazing season and the prettiest year! I hope that would be enough to compensate for committing the blunder of forgetting that she was indeed born. For months I kept asking her what she wants for a gift. I think I did not promise anything, which means God is not going to punish me if today I stand in front of her, empty handed with a sheepish grin on my face.

What has happened has happened. To mend things up I tried to get some sort of a surprise gift for her. But it was too late to go somewhere as it must have taken 5-6 hours to go, search, shop and come back home, given the remote place I live in. So I searched some limited shops nearby but could not decide on anything and ended up calling her to know if she wants a watch as a surprise gift.

"No."
"But you have recently lost yours."
"Yeah but no."
"Okay then paint brushes? Though they don't look impressive to me."
"Then don't buy them."
"Then what?"
"Nothing."

Call it good or bad, my family is made up of least demanding people put together. Also least enthusiastic about birthdays, anniversaries etc. I don't know how strange it may sound but at my home cutting a cake is not mandatory to celebrate a birthday. Actually celebrating itself is not mandatory.

So I came back home with ice-creams, the only thing she always wants.(Psst! I have ordered a cake too which will be delivered by the evening.)

"Okay, so what is to be written on the cake?" The girl taking the order asked me.
"Happy Birthday Mikki."
"M.I.C.K.E.Y Mickey?"
I heard her giggling.
"No. M.I.K.K.I Mikki."
"Alright, you will get the cake by 8 pm."

PS: I am heartily thankful to my Didi who called today and I happened to listen her wishing Mikki. Otherwise I am very much sure I would have never known.