Tuesday 27 May 2014

Points To Consider Before Naming A Baby


1. Do not name him/her Jshaklmsknah(which is also my phone's bluetooth name) or an equally unpronounceable one. Because one day when he/she will be playing checklairs* with his/her friends, no one will take the risk to pronounce a 2.18 miles long name and the chaser will never run after him/her. Do you see how grave it can turn out to be for the child?
My suggestion: Look at china for inspiration. People save so much time by calling each other Chi, Ko, Li.

2. Do not name him/her Chi, Ko, Li. What? When did I suggest that, you liar!

3. The name must have a good meaning because you know how it is with everybody asking the same. Also, asking the question comes handy when you don't have anything else to say and you make weird sounds like "hmm...erm.....wellll.......soooo........uuaeeauaaeiigh......what does your name mean?" "It means Moon"
My suggestion: Go for Pooja, Rahul, Deepika Padukone and not Dinosaur, because it would mean a Dinosaur.

4. Girls have an another problem to deal with. One day out of the blue, they become "Chikni" Chameli instead of just Chameli. Visit a jyotish(astrologer) and make sure that the name is not going to turn into an item number title in future. Try predicting yourself on the basis of past data analysis. Here are some examples. Paise walo ki Pinki, jawaan Sheela, Jalebi Baai, badnaam Munni, badmaash Babli.....Please comment below if you remember any other name. I would really like to know.
My suggestion: Name her Guddi. I like the song Patakha Guddi. And I like Guddi too. :)

5. Don't go for unisex names. I know a boy Sudhanshu and a girl Sudhanshu. A boy Chintan and a girl Chintan. Confuses the person who receives their friend request and gets happy for an instant before plunging deep into depression when the expectations fall off a cliff.
My suggestion: Name her "Female" and him "Male". Simplicity always attracts.

6. Pet names are no joke. Serious business. A kid talks too much doesn't mean you could name him/her "Bas-kar". Its true, I swear on my green shirt that doesn't fit me anymore. My cousin was rescued out of being named Lilawati(my family has a traumatic sense of humour). My other cousin is pet-named Kranshu. That proves it.
My suggestion: I don't know. Just don't name him/her Mikku(personal reasons).

7. Think of 'all-countries-applicable' names. A person might want to go to a foreign country later in life. So, names which have a good transition factor will make a good choice. Harvindar becomes Harry, Samir becomes Sam, Manpreet becomes Man, Womanpreet becomes Woman, Sandeep becomes Spider Man. It doesn't? Okay.
My suggestion: Planet-relevant names will be just better. Like Jagdeep becomes Jaadu.

8. The name must have a good security shield. Like Zeenat is safer than Ankit. Having a name that starts with W, X, Y, Z can actually prove to be life-saving when the teacher starts checking the homework of class, which they generally do in alphabetical order.
My Suggestion: If you are interested in experimenting, choose the name Zyxw.

9. Pick a name that reflects the personality or some character of the person. If the child has blue eyes, name him/her "Blue Eyes". If the child swings a pendulum in your face, name him/her "Hypnotize". No, no. What makes you think I am listening 'Blue eyes'?
My suggestion: Yo Yo Honey Singh or No No Money Singh(know him here). Equally cool.

10. Do not use the name as a weapon to ward off evil from the baby. I am serious here. I know incidences where people are named Kuda(garbage). I do not know if anyone has ever been named Nimbu-Mirchi and I also don't recommend it, though it sounds appealing.
My suggestion: Be innovative and call the baby Kaala-teeka. If anyone of you just thought of doing it, then you have disappointed me by defeating the very purpose of this post and I will not talk to you. Ever.

*checklairs is a game in which a person chases another person until he/she declares name of someone else, which is when the chaser starts running after that person. Either it is no real game because Google doesn't know about it or I don't know the correct spelling.

If you liked the post, praise me. If you did not, then FYI this whole idea was inspired by a friend named Shashank. He was the person who said "My name means Moon" more appropriately Chanda Mama. He said he will kill me if I call him Chanda Mama, so if I am found dead tomorrow, he goes to jail.

Sunday 11 May 2014

Mother

I am angry with you Mother
For letting me trouble you
all these years
since my birth and even before
Why would you stand at the door
waiting for me to come home?
Every minute's delay weighing heavy on your heart.
That, when I have a jolly good time
laughing with a friend
or listening melodies while I travel.
It makes me guilty later,
and angry.
You laugh it off
when I complain.

I am surprised at you Mother
How you hold for everyone
concern and more concern?
From where did you learn
to love your children with such magnitude?
What is it that makes this bond heavenly?
And at the same time
keeps you on your guard and restless always?
How?
How can all this come naturally to you?
What is it that I don't understand
and you cannot explain?

You are a mystery Mother
how grave, you don't even know.
You don't care to know
like I do, in vain.

I scold you Mother
When I work all night
on some college project
and you keep coming in my room
inventing petty excuses
and timidly ask me
"How much more work is left?"
Let me deal with at least something
all on my own Mother.
Why would you not sleep
just because I have not?
Still you wake up the earliest
to make breakfast for your girl.
Why so selfless?

You make me afraid Mother
When I will go away,
soon enough,
I would not know how to live
without you.
Still you will make me
angry, surprised and scold you
for worrying over me more than myself.

If being a mother is to be like you,
I am scared of the future.
You have set standards too high,
unreachable, impossible.
I have no clue
how to love like you love
how to care like you care.

I am disillusioned Mother.
The mystery you hold in your soul,
the unpronounceable answers
you will take away with you
one day.
Solitude will be mine.
I am afraid to admit
I do think about and dread the life after.
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