..then I'll be yours

If I hurt, if your love I resist

If I shout and be shrill

Later you'll find me treading the paths

Dark, lonely, under the stars

If you come, join and look me in the eye

And quietly forgive me for that time

...I'll be yours

Through words, in sweet voices

I may confess love and express choices

Talk through hours

Fight through wars

But the day you are okay with

my stillness and to silence we bequeath

...I'll be yours

We may travel the world in zest

We may laugh until out of breath

My devotion will still be hesitant

If you writhe under moments of silence

When only the time arrives

we won't need to talk, even through our eyes

...I'll be yours

Minuscule! Videos Which Took My Life.

One fateful day, which happens to be day before yesterday, I came across some insect videos which changed my life wasted my day. An animated video was playing on Sonic Nickelodeon. It was like for some 4 minutes. I liked it but there was no name with which to identify what were those videos. Since morning I was watching all the crap on this channel, waiting for the videos. Finally it came and for a nano-second the name of the creator was shown and I forgot to notice it. Again left with no names, no clue and again waited an hour. When it came finally I could see only four letters of it and it was gone. It is a painful story how I finally got the full name and tadaaa....I have been watching these videos back to back on the Internet. It's named Minuscule. I like how the real backgrounds and animations are mixed in the videos.

My head is aching and there is a limit to which I can stare the computer screen after which I start feeling like I need to vomit. That's how I am feeling right now. Can't type anymore.......including the links below.......God! Save me......I feel like I am dying......Am I dead already!.....I see heaven......I am still typing......why does the spider look so funny in the videos?.......Why don't I study for God's sake!!!!!!!!.......I am a terrible terrible person.......Is it morning or evening?.......nothing makes sense in the world.........

P.S: If this feels stupid to you, I apologize for wasting your time. To compensate for that, watch Phineas and Ferb. If you don't like cartoons or animations, take a deep breath and forget all that happened here.

A Quiet Child Is A Sleeping Giant

Scene: It's evening. I came out in my garden listening to music through my earphones. A little boy, around 4 years old, is learning to ride a bicycle by himself. Even before he can pedal once, he is about to fall. And this happens again and again. I am watching this and thought why not ask him if I can hold his cycle and help him learn.

Me(removing earphones): Need me to help?

Boy: No. I know how to ride. I ride many cycles. I am very fasht. This is my brother's cycle. He is big now so he rides bigger bicycles. I am small na. So I am riding his old cycle. But I am very very fasht.

Me: Careful(he was about to fall again). Pehle dheere dheere seekh lo fir tez chala lena.

Boy: Arre nahin. In the garden Papa said motorcycle and motorbike are same. Place motor in a cycle and it becomes motorcycle.(turning his hands inside out, he laughed like a devil at this) Hahahaha... A boy was going very fasht on his cycle and he fell. There around the turn. When you go straight from here and then turn to this side...there he fell. There was a lot of blood on his leg and his bone came out. Then they applied Soframycin. Soframycin brings back the skin. Then the blood became alright.

Me: Okay okay. Ride your cycle.

Boy: You know this cycle had a button here. Red button. When we pressed the button, songs played. And it had a mirror too. Here. No, here, below the handle. No. Here, above the handle.

Me: You broke it?

Boy: Bhaiya broke it. The red button...he broke that too. Now it does not play songs. This is very old cycle. Bhaiya is big now so he doesn't ride it. When I will grow up and be as big as him, I will also ride bigger cycles. We will sell this one and buy a new cycle. Didi where are you going?

Me: Back to my house. You carry on!

Things I Don't Understand About Love

1.  Generally people fall for pretty girls and handsome boys. What if the person is not a good human? How long can we feel happy staring a beautiful face and dealing with a black heart? Days or years? What after that and was it even love in the first place?
2.  Is love a chemical process which carries out some reaction in our heart and after that it becomes impossible to separate the love bug from pumping of blood?
3.  Love is said to happen suddenly sometimes. Is it like starting of the ceiling fan when the switch is turned on? So when we meet "the guy/girl", the love switch automatically goes into ON state. Then it must be quite easy to turn it off as well I wonder.

4.  We do not fall in love everyday or with every guy/girl we meet. Love is a rare case. Calculating the average number of people a person knows, the probability of falling in love with one is pretty low. Carrying out the permutations and combinations, wouldn't it become a rarest of the rare case that the same person will fall in love with us?

5.  If love doesn't bring any tangible changes and it cannot be seen like body organs, it must be a software. If love gives sufferings then its code can be easily modified or uninstalled if required. Even re-installed in custom mode changing the name of the victim. I have a feeling that this is the way it is going to work with me at least.

6.  Love, the opposition will say, is something that does not happen to robots(as is implied by above points), but involves feelings and emotions. But then isn't inducing feelings too a strategy of the brain? How brain, being the practical part of body, can't change the course of feelings in case of rejections and heartbreaks?

7.  Once happened, love being hard to let go or forget is simply out of my understanding. Is it like having reached puberty that nothing can be done to change it.(From where am I getting such analogies!)

8.  In case of love at first sight, what if we fall for the exact opposite of the person we wanted as our partner? I mean if I hate liars, I hate liars. If a person is truthful or not is not written on the face. Then what if I fall head over heels for a handsome lying guy? And again this head-over-heels business is a lie, isn't it? Doesn't happen.

9.  Why being romantic is considered to be an inseparable part of love? There are people who talk day and night. There are others whose words can be counted on fingers. Then why not there can be a person in love but also unromantic at the same time. Or people who are grossed out by all this romantic stuff. Will that work? I hope it does.

10.  The biggest doubt which is killing me is- As a general gesture among couples, boys put their arms around their girlfriend's waist. Doesn't it tickle? Really! What if the girl is hyper ticklish and as a reflex action pushes her boyfriend and he falls over a bridge?!

A Part Of Life

The grass here seems to have put many efforts to contain its rich green colour. It is patchy on the ground, but inviting enough to make people sit, take some deep breaths and have a leisure time. The tree I have put my back on, is swaying noisily in the autumn winds. The air seems ornamental with the floating yellow leaves parting one after the other from the branches. All this simply makes the heart leap and pour out words of joy and happiness.

I feel the beauty of life by reading the impression of satisfaction, from the parents of two kids playing around them. I feel the innocence of life while watching this cute, pouting boy, after hearing me refuse to play in his team, as it was one person short of the other team. I feel the stability of life in the kite resting on a tree where no one could catch it and own it. I feel the motion of life in the person mowing the grass far away and laughing with his friend. I feel the curiosity of life trough the blindfolded girl, guided by her lover towards some surprise. I feel the delicacy of life in the feet of a toddler trying to walk. I feel the quiet in noisy winds, freedom in birds, warmth of the ground. I feel. I smile. And I realize that I can try endlessly to capture life in words and never succeed. Maybe it is not even desired of me. Feelings will always be meant to feel. Words cannot be powerful enough to replicate them exactly.

So, I will put aside my notebook, my pen, my inability, my excuses, and explore what is still remaining to be felt; new and unknown. I will go to that boy and ask him to take me in his team if there is still a place for me. If there is not I can become their Referee or Commentator or something like that, we will see. Because I want to be not just an observer, but a part of life.